delusional [?]

The not-so-official blog of Donya Quixote. Feedback is very much welcome and appreciated.

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sounds of the summer

"I don't need the sunshine
Don't need the good times,
Don't need anything anyone's giving,
And I don't mind your lies so keep on talking." - Don't Need the Sunshine, Catatonia


donya quixote

  • Proud to be Pinay.
  • Born once upon a time in the late January 1988.
  • Hails from the highlands; Baguio City.
  • She dorms.
  • Getting hazed trained for life at the School of Economics at the University of the Philippines, Diliman.
  • Member of the UP Campus Crusade for Christ and UP Economics Society.
  • Just a little bit crazy.
  • Doesn't want to kiss frogs; faithful to her Dulcine[o]. [NBSB PRIDE!]
  • Extremely socially inept - uncomfortable with the idea of meeting new people. Would rather curl up with a nice book than go out clubbing.
  • Loyal to the friends she already has. Cause they're great. [Most of the time. Hehe.] ;)
  • Usually highly opinionated when it comes to music/film/other media, but her lack of social awareness is disgusting.
  • A fool for Jesus Christ.
  • Here's her multiply, friendster, and email. [Has myspace, but it's as good as dead. Still contemplating on whether or not she should resurrect it.]


reader log

the past

Symphony in the Key of C-minor
Tikim ng Kalayaan
The Aftertaste v1.0

June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007

Credits

Art: DQ + some brushes from... all over the place.
Image Hosting: Imageshack & Imagecave
Code: DQ
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
[7:28 AM] | Permalink / /

I call this post: BE BLIND [BGmusic: Wala pa.]


Question:
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?


Answer:



Hormones.
Did you honestly think it was love?
Bwa ha ha ha ha.

Happy Valentine's Day, Sssssuckerssss.



[Do not take this seriously.
I am obviously - ahem - kidding.
Really, I am.
Comment on my last post na lang.]

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007
[12:37 PM] | Permalink / /

I call this post: Wahoo [BGmusic: Let Love In by the Goo Goo Dolls - how appropriate]

Silly me. I was burned out and wasted enough yesterday, and still I insisted on going to the fair. [Yes, UP fair na!] Excited ako masyado, because I wasn't able to go last year. Anyway, it was fun enough. [I will make kwento some other day. Or not. Read this na lang. May pictures pa.] I don't know if I'm going tonight or not. I want to go tonight, Thursday, and Friday, but... I'm not sure. I need to study. I missed my Econ102 class again awhile ago because (a) our water supply suddenly decided that it needed a break, and (b) by the time the water came back, I had fallen asleep again.


Malapit na ang Valentine's Day [as in bukas na, my gulay, how time flies]... Ah, Valentine's Day. You can just smell the twitterpation.

At dahil malapit na ang Vday, I will write about love. Ah, love. One of the most abused words in the English language, with its many variations:
  • i lab u.
  • I LAAAAAHVYUUU PIOLO/JERICHO/[INSERT STAR OF CHOICE HERE]!!!!
  • I luuuuurve hiyu.
  • and many many more.
It's a shame that we only have one word to tell people how we feel. If I'm not mistaken, the Eskimos have... fifteen words for love [? - don't take my word for that, I'm not sure]. I can think of two Tagalog words for love, but they have practically the same meaning.

Anyway, the whole point of my post is to show all of you how disappointing love can be. No, I'm not bitter or cynical or a spinster in the making [okay, maybe I am a little], I'm just saying it as it is.


LOVE [the friendship kind], and how it disappoints

They say that when lovers come and go, friends are the ones that stick when all is said and done. What they don't say is that this only applies to a select few. Who hasn't been ditched by their friend because he/she needed to cut his/her girlfriend's/boyfriend's toenails? Who hasn't cried because they weren't invited to so-and-so's birthday party, or weren't allowed into the "inner circle"? Who hasn't felt that cold stab of rejection when their once so-very-close friend suddenly started spending more time with his/her "other friends"? [I'm not bitter, I swear.]

Yes, a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother [Pr. 18:24]. To those of you who are fortunate enough to find friends like this, congratulations. Try your best not to disappoint. Do not ditch. Do not make your friend feel unimportant. Do not lie to your friend. Love. Don't just say it, do it.


LOVE [aka twitterpation], and how it disappoints

Twitterpation [look it up/watch Bambi again, if you don't know what it means.]: He texts. Your stomach flips. The next day, he texts again. A little romance begins to blossom. There are many possible ending points [simplified, for convenience's sake]:
  1. He stops texting. You spend your nights feeling sorry for yourself, feeling ugly and unwanted because he didn't "gud am" you.
  2. He texts. Your stomach doesn't flip. You realize that it was just hormones, and nothing else. Tell him that you're just better off as friends. He could (a) totally disappear from your life, (b) actually become "just friends" with you, or (c) continue annoying you until you change your sim card.
  3. He turns out to be an ass/pathological flirt/Mariah Carey fan. The buzzer goes off. Game over.
  4. He's "wonderful". "Perfect", even. You live happily. For a while. Until you get bored of each other, and you realize that he's not so "wonderful" or "perfect" at all.
  5. He's fun to be with. Most of your conversations don't revolve around flirtation. And you live happily. Ever after? Not likely, but maybe. [Note: This is "not likely" not because I don't believe in happily ever after, but because I'm talking about twitterpation among students here, and Love in the Time of Calculus in typically not the kind of love that lasts, sadly.]

Anyway, what was my point? [Love disappoints. DUH.] Okay, so that's not entirely true. In fact, it's totally wrong. Yes, I have been misleading you for the past 10+ paragraphs. It is actually people who disappoint, regardless of whether or not they claim to love or not. Put your trust on me, and I will disappoint you sooner or later. I put my trust on you, knowing that one day, you will disappoint me. Why do we still continue to trust each other? The answer to that is... I don't know . [I have many many theories, though. So numerous and absurd are my philosophies on trust that I will not impose them on the blogworld. At least, not yet. Bwahahaha.]

But! Hephephep... There is a kind of love that hasn't disappointed me yet, and I believe will never ever disappoint me. It's the kind of love that lays down a perfect, untainted life for multitudes of filthy and rotten souls. It's unconditional, and does not rely on people to keep it alive. This kind of love, the most excellent way, never fails, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres [1 Cor 13].

Now, I don't like being asked to "define love", but I love this definition of love:
  • Love is willing to wait instead of demanding "prove you care, now!"
  • Love keeps on being friendly to people who aren't friendly back.
  • Love doesn't hate the girl who goes out with the guy you like.
  • Love doesn't brag about your good grades or the points you scored in Friday night's game.
  • Love isn't stuck up. Love doesn't think you're better than others because your clothes are more expensive.
  • Love lets others have their turn talking. It never puts others down by acting like they don't count.
  • Love doesn't insist on getting all the credit or being one of the popular crowd.
  • Love doesn't lose its temper when a brother or sister hogs the phone or spends too much time in the bathroom.
  • Love doesn't hold grudges. It doesn't keep thinking over and over again about how someone hurt you.
  • Love doesn't think doing wrong is cool.
  • Love looks out for the interests of others.
  • Love keeps on trusting God even when the right choices you make don't turn out the way you want.
  • Love keeps on expecting the best.
  • Love doesn't give up just because something goes wrong because your feelings are hurt. God is in charge, so those who love just keep right on loving.
- 1 Cor 13:4-7 - an adaptation

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Thursday, February 08, 2007
[6:13 PM] | Permalink / /

I call this post: Lessons [BGmusic: This Fragile Breath by Todd Agnew]

I've learned a looot recently [i.e. the past four days]. Magsh-sharing moment muna ako. Ahem ahem ahem.


Lesson 1: Confrontations. Chances are, the person you're confronting will not respond the way you want them to. No matter how polite you are, or how good your intentions are.

Illustration:
1) my most recently "featured blog" [I messaged the owner on friendster and... let me just say that I was a little peeved at her response].
2) ______, who hates me. [The details are too sensitive to be blogged about. Just know that _____ hates me.]


Lesson 2: Pain. Nobody's ever brave enough to bear it. Nobody expects it to come, and when it comes, bearing it is all we can do.

Illustration:
1) In PGH, where I have my CWTS, there was a boy who was crying out in pain from his burns, crying out for someone - anyone - to stop the pain, crying out for his life to end. He was just ten years old. His screams seemed so loud to my ears, and all I could do was wish that I could bear some of his pain.
2) ______, who hates me.


Lesson 3: Tears. Masarap umiyak minsan.

Illustration:
1) Lucky made me cry last Tuesday. [Oo, nagsusumbong ako.]
2) Dahil related naman siya, ______, who hates me.


Lesson 4: Boys. They are disgusting. God, thank you for making me a girl.

Illustration:
1) Narra Residence Hall. The only all-boys [?] dorm on campus. We [some girls from the publicity committee of Ilang-ilang] went there to promote our upcoming open house week, and all they did was hoot, catcall, scream our names, poke fun, ask for our numbers, etc. I know that they're probably very intelligent and that they probably "didn't mean anything by it", but it's never good to have fun at other peoples' expense.


Lesson 5: Attend Corridor Meetings. Kahit na pagod na pagod ka. You'll never know when your whole corridor will gang up on you.

Illustration:
1) May fassion [oo fassion yan] show sa dorm ko sa open house. And guess what? [WHAT?] They voted to make me make landi-landi and model for it. Pwet ng kabayo. Buong high school life ko linalayuan ko yung mga yan, tapos gantoooo?! TRAITORS!


Lesson 6: Showers. I am a dormer, therefore I must take them earlier.

Illustration:
1) I was late for Futsal class. Threw on the first sweater I could get my hands on, which was really dirty. And I didn't even get to play. Thank goodness my English class was cancelled, and I got to go to the dorm and change.


Lesson 7: Forgiveness. Try it, it makes you lighter.

Illustration:
1) I forgive my latest featured blogger for being... difficult to deal with.
2) I forgive _____ for hating me.
3) I forgive JP's parents for letting him fall into the hot springs.
4) I forgive Lucky for provoking my tears in the MOLAVE CANTEEN.
5) I forgive my corridor-mates for their treachery.
6) I forgive the boys from Narra. Even if they are ugly rude, even if they smell funny.
7) I forgive my fellow dormers for taking a thousand years to take their showers.

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Monday, February 05, 2007
[1:45 AM] | Permalink / /

I call this post: Walang Kwenta [BGmusic: null]

I'm making a new blog, one that I don't plan on publicizing [but I might change my mind]. I'm going to put all my serious energy in there so I can be even more "fun" on this blog. Woohoo.

I don't know what I want to talk about, but thank goodness Joy and Pam tagged me.

I'll do Pam's first.


Here is how you do it:
  1. Please go to http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp and enter your birthdate (Month, Day, Year) in the text box provided.
  2. Then click “Submit“.
  3. Results will then be displayed containing lots of information about your birthdate. What to take from here? Take your:
    • Date of conception
      • on or around May 5, 1987
    • The list of celebrities who share your birthday
      • Wayne Gretzky (1961)
      • Ellen DeGeneres (1958)
      • Eddie Van Halen (1955)
      • Paul Newman (1925)
      • Douglas MacArthur (1880)
      • [I only put the ones I recognized.]
    • The top songs in your birth year
      • Roll with It by Steve Winwood
      • Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison
      • One More Try by George Michael
      • Look Away by Chicago
      • Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
      • Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses
      • Anything for You by Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine
      • Get Outta My Dreams, Get into My Car by Billy Ocean
      • Man In the Mirror by Michael Jackson
      • The Flame by Cheap Trick
Now let’s go to the name’s meaning generator tool.
  1. Please go to http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp and enter your full name in the text box provided.
  2. Then click “Submit“.
  3. Results will then be displayed containing lots of information about your name. What to take from here? take your:
    1. * What your first name means (sometimes no meaning is given so you may skip it if that’s the case)
      • Christian/Follower of Christ
      • [Actually, if you get my whole name, it means "Victorious Christian".]
    2. Your number and also
      • 3?
    3. Your number’s characteristics
      • expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living
      • [riiiiight]
    4. Your inner dream number
      • 1
    5. Meaning of your inner dream number
      • You dream of being a leader and one who is in charge. You want to be known for your courage, daring, and original ideas. You seek unconquered heights. People may get a first impression that you are very aggressive and sure of yourself.
      • [Errrr.... that is so... WRONG.]

Okay, Joy's is next. Basically, I just have to tell five secrets.
  1. A couple of people know about this already: I used to have an imaginary friend named Sandra. She was a fairy who visited me on beams of sunshine. I grew out of her when I was eleven years old I think. I don't like admitting to this because it's kind of freaky now that I look back.
  2. I've told this to a couple of people: A long time ago, someone asked me if I was anorexic. [No, I'm so not.] No-one knows this: I ended up getting even more insecure than I already was, getting really self-conscious about my weight and the clothes I wore. The bad thing about it was I didn't have anybody to really sympathize with me because big girls were "beautiful", but we stick-thin girls were "sick, bulimic wannabe models". I've gained some weight since then, but that's probably because I don't run around as much anymore. And don't worry, my weight issue only lasted for a couple of months, and after that I got really tired of thinking about it and couldn't care less. But sometimes, I still freak out when people tell me "you're so skinny, you need to eat more". PEOPLE, I EAT. Get over my weight.
  3. A few people know this: I actually liked the first guy who really "showed interest" in me [this was waaay waaaaaaaaaaaay back in ______]. Thank goodness I didn't encourage him, kasi ang pangit niya ngayon. Bwa ha ha ha.
  4. This is going to be the first time I'm going to say this: I daydream about death and dying [ooh alliteration]. I don't know why. It doesn't freak me out or anything, but gives me a lot of ideas to ponder on. I don't think I've told this to anyone before because people would get the wrong impression about me. No, I'm not a twisted psycho waiting to be unleashed, I'm Donya Quixote and I'm fabulous [?].
  5. [wincing] I used to think that being a "bitch" was cool. Gaaaah. Do not ask me to elaborate.

Now that I've lost all that's left of my dignity, I think I'm going to go to bed now. Good night, blogworld. Sorry for blogging out of boredom.

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Friday, February 02, 2007
[11:38 PM] | Permalink / /

I call this post: FOUL! [BGmusic: nuffink. Roommates are sleeping. Mustn't wake them.]

Before I start, I'd like to thank Karla for bringing this... matter to my attention. Oh, and Erik kasi mali yung link ko noon.

She told me that someone had copied my template. I didn't really think that it was such a big deal, but I checked it out anyway. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw it was, "Okay, so someone copied my code. Poor unfortunate unoriginal soul." It didn't really disturb me, until...

...I read the sidebar. And oh, deary me, look at this:



Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at my oh-so-very-official welcome message.

But wait, there's more!



I made that Ricebowl Journals button online. I made that Pixelbureau button on photoshop. [Note what I put in the Pixelbureau button. *singing* Isn't it ironic? Donchathink?] Just so that it would fit in to my color scheme. Oh, and check out the featured song.

But wait, there's more!



Look, wala na yung credits!

And here's the REAL star of the show.

Yes, "DQ => middle child". Wonderful job. Wonderful. Not only did s/he(?) mutilate my template with the horrible background mosaic and equally horrible color scheme [don't get me wrong, I like pink and green but s/he(?) didn't do it right], s/he(?) COPIED MY SIDEBAR. I mean, I can understand how someone would want to copy a template and tweak it here and there to make it appear original, because not everyone knows html, right? But copying my sidebar is just... wrong! Those are my words! I mean, they're not profound, life-changing or anything, but they're mine.

WARNING: RANT AHEAD

The worst part of it is, s/he(?) kept the last line, the letters I typed in BOLD, and probably doesn't know how much love there is in that. How can someone copy-paste someone else's declaration of faith and make it so impersonal? How can you take God so lightly? How can you take something beautiful, something wonderful, and make it just as dull as everything else?

I guess we can look to friendster for similar behavior. People put "Bible" in their favorite books list, even though they probably haven't read it in a decade. They put "I love my parents, my friends, oh, and God.", even though their lives tell the world otherwise. What are you trying to achieve? What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to impress? Don't you know that what you're doing is like... spray painting the Mona Lisa? [Got that illustration from Saving my First Kiss - I'm citing my source because it's only right.]

That is one of the main reasons why we have so many skeptics in this age. Why Christianity has almost become synonymous to going to church on Sundays and praying before eating and nothing else.

People, quit the faking. Look for the real thing. You want to put the Bible on your list of favorite books? Be my guest. And read it. You say you love God? Show it. Don't just say it. Don't copy-paste what someone else said just because it makes you look good.

/END RANT

I'm sorry if I sound too outraged at that one line, but it was almost like a slap in the face, seeing those three words on someone else's blog.

But no, I'm not angry. Well, not too angry. I feel cheated and... really, really cheated, but not angry. Hindi ko muna papatulan. 13 years old pa ang bata. But I will have to tell her/him(?) to change her/his(?) template sooner or later. I'm not changing mine just because somebody copied it. I'm still thinking of a way to say it without sounding mean, because even though I'm really pissed off right now, being mean is never the right way to do things.

But if you guys want to be mean on her/his(?) blog, be my guest. KIDDING! Wag nalang. Let's just see if s/he(?) comes back to the scene of the crime and reads this post.

To "Freets": If you are reading this post, acknowledge me. I give you the permission to be as rude as you want. I just want to know if you've read this. I would love it if you would apologize, but I'm not expecting too much, so I forgive you anyway [because grudges=wrinkles! ;)]. Oh, and go to blogskins.com. People there actually want you to use their codes. [P.S. Your "Ate Irish" worship - as in Irish Fullerton, whoever she is - is freaky. Not cute, not endearing, frightening. Just thought you should know.]


Pahabol. I wasn't sure if the blogger was a boy or a girl, but I went back to the site and people, she's a she. Wala lang. Now I just feel sorry for her.

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Thursday, February 01, 2007
[6:04 PM] | Permalink / /

I call this post: I saw your face in a crowded place [BGmusic: Trains to Brazil by Guillemots]

I'm so happy I'm almost in tears. Sa wakas... sa wakas... naayos na connection namin dito sa dorm. I have so much to say yet so much to do - I need to finish writing two scripts, one for Kas1 and one for CCC, but all is well, I CAN DO THIS!

And since I'm dressed like a guy, I will talk about [ta-dah!] BEAUTY! Aaaand... I'll be using my female crushes as my examples. This is going to be fun. [Bwahaha.]


1. Miss Symmetry

My example: Jessica Alba

You all know who I'm talking about here. These are the girls with perfect faces, the ones who look stunning from every single angle imaginable, those who can go out in track suits and still look hot.

For girls like me who weren't blessed with symmetrical faces, these girls are so easy to hate. Most of us take comfort in the thought that they probably aren't as smart as we are. Then the likes of Georgina Wilson come along and "POP!" go our bubbles. Thank you very much for that.

But whatever. Personally, I don't like the Miss Symmetry look. Frankly, it bores me. [I don't even like Jessica Alba, but she was my favorite out of all the Miss Symmetry's I could think of.] Next, please.

In their playlists: Bootylicious, Don't Cha, Beautiful Stranger

Other perfect faces: Angelina Jolie, Elizabeth Hurley, Georgina Wilson, Beyonce


2. The Classic

My Example: Grace Kelly

Just... look at her. And try futilely not to marvel at that face. She doesn't even need to talk. If I were her, I wouldn't even bother talking. I wouldn't bother working, or going to school. I'd just... look beautiful.

Unlike the Miss Symmetry's, the Classics aren't hateable. Yes, they do make one feel very very inferior, but there's a sense of familiarity with these girls, because these are the princesses from our fairy tales, the ones we cheered on as they looked for their princes and got annoyed at for being so stupid and eating that apple/pricking that finger/not giving the prince her phone number before midnight.

Once upon a time, I told myself that I would grow up to be a Classic. But now, I've finally "grown up", and at the ripe old age of 19 [thank you to those of you who greeted me btw :) ], I figured out that elegance is one thing that just won't ever come naturally for me. Heck, I'm not that delusional.

In their playlists: She, The Way You Look Tonight, and of course, the works of Rachmaninoff

Other epitomes of elegance: Audrey Hepburn, Natalie Portman, Maggie Q, Julie Andrews, Nicole Kidman



3. Little Miss Adorable

My example: Audrey Tautou

These girls are, in one word, cute. They're not the kind of women you'd describe as drop-dead gorgeous, but almost everyone would agree that these girls are adorable indeed. Think bunny rabbits and rainbows.

In their playlists: Charmed Life, Daydream Believer

Other cuties: Selphie Tilmitt [from FF8], Rachael Leigh Cook, Drew Barrymore


4. [I love your] Funny Face aka Miss Debatable

My example: Claire Forlani

"Di ko siya type."
"I don't get it. Why do you think she's so pretty?"
"She's beautiful."
"She looks like a man/horse/rabbit/transvestite."
"I don't know, she kind of grows on you."
"I liked her right away. Why don't you see it?"
"SHE'S UGLY!"

Sounds familiar? Yeah, these girls get a lot of flak from people who think they're oh-so-very perfect, but I have to say that I love these girls the best [bakit kaya? ehem ehem]. I mean, if everyone looked like Barbie, the world would be a very boring place. Not that Barbie isn't beautiful, but these girls are just as beautiful in their own right. Ooh! Let me quote Gershwin.
I love your funny face
Your sunny, funny face.
For you're a cutie with more than beauty
You've got a lot of per-son-a-li-ty N.T.
You fill the air with smiles
For miles and miles and miles.
Though you're no Queen of Sheba,
For worlds I'd not replace
Your sunny, funny face.
In their playlists: Beautiful, Girl Next Door, Funny Face

Other debate topics: Jennifer Garner, the Mona Lisa, Zhang Ziyi


Where does DQ categorize herself? Hmmm... hindi talaga obvious... I wonderrr... [he he he]

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some of you may categorize the girls I mentioned into other groups.

But anyway, all this is just to prepare you for the moral of my story, which is...

I'M BEAUTIFUL! KAHIT NA NAPAKA-HAGGARD AKO AT MUKHA AKONG LALAKE NGAYOOOON!!! WOOHOO!

Walang aangal. Bangasan ko kayo diyan eh.

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