delusional [?]

The not-so-official blog of Donya Quixote. Feedback is very much welcome and appreciated.

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sounds of the summer

"I don't need the sunshine
Don't need the good times,
Don't need anything anyone's giving,
And I don't mind your lies so keep on talking." - Don't Need the Sunshine, Catatonia


donya quixote

  • Proud to be Pinay.
  • Born once upon a time in the late January 1988.
  • Hails from the highlands; Baguio City.
  • She dorms.
  • Getting hazed trained for life at the School of Economics at the University of the Philippines, Diliman.
  • Member of the UP Campus Crusade for Christ and UP Economics Society.
  • Just a little bit crazy.
  • Doesn't want to kiss frogs; faithful to her Dulcine[o]. [NBSB PRIDE!]
  • Extremely socially inept - uncomfortable with the idea of meeting new people. Would rather curl up with a nice book than go out clubbing.
  • Loyal to the friends she already has. Cause they're great. [Most of the time. Hehe.] ;)
  • Usually highly opinionated when it comes to music/film/other media, but her lack of social awareness is disgusting.
  • A fool for Jesus Christ.
  • Here's her multiply, friendster, and email. [Has myspace, but it's as good as dead. Still contemplating on whether or not she should resurrect it.]


reader log

the past

Symphony in the Key of C-minor
Tikim ng Kalayaan
The Aftertaste v1.0

June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007

Credits

Art: DQ + some brushes from... all over the place.
Image Hosting: Imageshack & Imagecave
Code: DQ
Thursday, July 27, 2006
[7:10 AM] | Permalink / /

Very recently, some girls came up to me and asked me why I wasn't in a relationship yet. They obviously didn't know that I have never had a boyfriend in my life, and don't plan on getting myself one soon.

Sure, there are times when I just want to get out there and get myself a boyfriend so I wouldn feel less lonely. Especially when I'm in a beautiful place on my own. For example, when I see a nice sunset, it would be nice to have someone to share it with. And moviehouses are just excruciating [especially when they're showing romantic comedies] - all those canoodling couples and their happiness wafting in the air. Wislawa Szymborska phrased it perfectly in her poem, True Love:
Look at the happy couple.
Couldn't they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friends' sake?
Listen to them laughing - its an insult.
The language they use - deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines -
it's obviously a plot behind the human race's back!
Some of you may be wondering why I am "torturing" myself like this. I admit that there have been times when I was thiiiiis close to crossing over to the "couples" side. But obviously, I haven't. The problem with getting a boyfriend is, I can't find a good enough reason to back me up if ever I should. In fact, there are too many reasons against my going into a relationship. I can summarize them in five points:

The main reason: first of all, my parents don't want me to get into a relationship. They want me to wait until I graduate, and until I get a job. Since I turned eighteen, they've very reluctantly allowed me to do what I want to do. But all my life, they have drilled their values into my brain. [They made me read all the Joshua Harris books, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot, and many many more. I have been told over and over again that I am "worth waiting for". I have a ring with the words "true love waits" etched on the inside.] As a result, I'm not comfortable with the even just the idea of having a boyfriend. Because I know my parents don't want me to. And, yes, I'm a good daughter. [Yes, I have hated myself many times for being such a goody-two-shoes, but heck, that's the way I am.]

Second, I'm a pessimist. It's in my nature. Whenever a guy expresses how he feels about... someone [let's say... hmmm... me], I can't help but feel skeptical. I'm eighteen. It may seem a big number for me right now, but I can't ignore the fact that I'm young. For what? Too young for a commitment. Basically, I know that if I entertain the idea, it'll just end badly. I know that there are some exceptions to this rule [e.g.... um... um... Noah and Allie from The Notebook], but those are rare cases.

Third, this just isn't the right time. This is the time for me to make friends, study, and... [ta-daaah!] study some more. Frankly, I don't have time to squeeze in maintaining a relationship. I juggle my barkada, my org, and my acads every day. If I had a boyfriend now, he'd be a very unhappy one.

Fourth: I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship. Trust me on this. I mentioned awhile ago that I feel lonely a lot of times. During these moments, I sometimes feel like giving in, just so I could be happy. But that's just it. I shouldn't base my happiness on one person. It shouldn't be like that. After seeing too many of my friends suffer through painful breakups, I know for a fact that it shouldn't work like that.

The fifth reason's my favorite. [Warning: this is going to be a more than a little bit mushy.] I believe that there is one person out there made especially for me. I'm waiting for him [and he better be waiting for me]. We'll find each other soon enough [if we haven't met already - ooh scary thought], when I don't have to worry about hiding it from my parents. And when I meet him, instead of seeing the imminent breakup, I'm going to be able to see the happy ending. Call me naive, call me stupid, call me anything you want. I like to call myself a hopelessful romantic.

[Oh my gaaaawd that was mushier than I thought it'd be.]

Has singledom been easy on me? Heck no. Mahirap talaga. Especially when you're being chased around by boys all the time [nyak nyak nyak]. Seriously though, nahihirapan talaga ako. It's not easy to "just say no" in a "just do it" world. Many of my friends have told me that I can't hold out for much longer, and that only makes me want to prove them wrong. But it isn't impossible - I may find myself coupled sooner than I had planned. I just hope that if that happens, it won't be because I just gave up and gave in.

OkayI'mdonewithtalking. Enough.

To those people out there who are in a relationship, good for you. Don't take what I have been saying personally. Dating works for some people, just not for me.

Kung may mga violent reactions kayo sa mga sinabi ko, idaan nalang natin sa question and answer. Mag-comment na!
Wala lang. Because I want to, I present:

My Love Life: A Playlist

1. Single - Natasha Bedingfield [Single pride.]
2. As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional [I swear, I'm the girl Chris Carraba is singing to. This song never fails to depress me. But I listen to it over and over again anyway. I may have masochistic tendencies.]
3. I Will - The Beatles [Wee!]
4. End of the Line - Honeyz [This was during a very difficult period in my not very interesting love life (a loooooooooooooooong time ago). Won't go into details.]
5. Longer - Dan Whatshisface [Wee ulit! Hahaha...]
6. Missy Higgins - Scar